Domestic Abuse

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Never feel that you are alone, support for you as a victim of domestic abuse or someone you know is available.  The information below will help you get the help and support that you need.

Always in an emergency contact the Police on 999.

There are a number of services that can also help you including:

Women’s Aid – 0808 2000 247Visit site

Victim Support – 0845 30 30 900Visit site

Domestic Violence Helpline Shropshire – 0800 783 1359

Domestic Abuse Advice for Victims, Family and Friends

Please click on the below link to download the Domestic Abuse bookler for advice for victims, family and friends.

Download Booklet

White ribbon

We’re inviting all men in Telford and Wrekin to join up to the White Ribbon Campaign, a national campaign aimed at ending violence against women, we want you to ‘Man-up’ and take the pledge never to commit, condone or remain silent about men’s violence against women

Most men are not violent towards women, but many of us ignore the problem, or see it as something which doesn’t have anything to do with us. Please give us your pledge, and encourage your friends and family to pledge too. Together we can help spread the message that domestic abuse, in any shape or form should not be accepted.  Please go to www.whiteribboncampaign.co.uk/telford

If you’re concerned about domestic abuse and need advice you can call the Shropshire Domestic Abuse 24 hour helpline (free to call from a landline) 0800 783 1359

Please click here to download the information leaflet.

Survivors

One woman’s account of domestic abuse

Louise’s story

Before I met Ed I was an outgoing, happy go lucky woman, very confident and lived each day to the full. I met Ed when my family moved to a new area and became close friends and then a few months afterwards we got together. For the first 12 months everything was normal, the relationship was just how I hoped it would be. Now, when I look back and I realise that the relationship started to change and he became more controlling around the birth of our child. I had to account for my whereabouts all of the time, for example, how long it had taken me to walk to the school, if I had spoken to anyone in the supermarket, if I had spent any time with my family. Ed by this point had control of all of the finances, I had to ask him for any money and I had to explain what every penny was for.

Ed would enjoy playing mind games with me, for example one day without me knowing he took the bank card and the car keys. I spent the day worrying and searching for them. I was petrified and worried about telling him. When he returned home I was crying and shaking and told him that I could not find them. He stood there and laughed at me and then pulled them out of his pocket. He had them with him all day. You may wonder why I didn’t just call him during the day to ask whether he had them, but this would have been more than my life was worth to have called him to ask him this. He did this to keep me at home, but I also believe he liked the fact that I would have spent the day worrying.

Ed was physically abusive towards me on a number of occasions. This mostly happened at home, and sometimes it happened in front of the children. Each time afterwards he would apologise, he would tell me that he loved me, he would say that he didn’t mean for it to happen, he would blame it on ‘anger’ and also things that I had done. I realise now that this wasn’t anything that I had caused but I didn’t know that at the time. I thought it was my fault, that I had brought it on myself.

I was raped by Ed. He had expectations that because we were in a relationship that he had the right to have sex with me whenever he wanted it. The first time this happened, I became pregnant. I kept the pregnancy secret for a number of weeks and due to my religion decided I had to keep the baby. This is when Ed’s behaviour became even worse and more controlling. I became more isolated, I wasn’t allowed to go out without him, I wasn’t allowed to see my family or speak to them on the phone. They were not allowed to come and see us at the house either. I found it became difficult to attend antenatal appointments as he would challenge why I had to go to them. Sometimes he would take the house keys and all money from the house so that I could not go to them.

I had tried to leave Ed twice, but each time I told him I wanted it to end I was manipulated by him into believing that he would change so I agreed to one last chance. He suggested that we move to a different area for a ‘new start’. In fact this ‘new start’ left me even more isolated and the abuse became even worse. It was in the new house that I discovered that my children were being physically abused too. This was my wake up call. I had to leave, I knew that I had to get out.

I had already been able to attend the Freedom Programme before I was moved away so I knew support was available to me. I had hidden someone’s phone number and walked 40 minutes to the nearest payphone to ring them. Ed had blocked outgoing calls from our landline and had taken my mobile away from me. It was such a relief to know that I had reached out for help and with the support of my family I was able to get myself and the children out of danger.

This was nearly four years ago and now I’m living life and not just getting by. I am now in a new relationship, it is a safe and equal relationship and we have a new baby together. I am happy, I am encouraged to go to college, and achieve my dreams and my goals.

If you are reading this and you are in an abusive relationship please speak to someone that you trust, it may be your doctor or a teacher at your child’s school. My partner was very manipulative to the point where it took me a long time to realise the abuse was actually happening. I want you to know that you are not alone, there is always help and support out there for you.
I would like to thank everyone at the Freedom Programme for giving me the courage and the strength that I needed to leave. I value their friendship and sisterhood.

No longer do I feel isolated and alone, I had no one to turn to and nobody to phone.

I felt for the children I should stay with him and fight, To get back the man I first met and make it all right.

It was only when I confided in a trusted friend, That I realised my experiences would never come to an end.

I felt trapped like a caged bird which had lost its happy song, I knew if I stayed strong the end wouldn’t be long.

I got the courage to pack my things and leave, For a better life away from this I hoped to receive.

The freedom programme helped me unravel the hurt and confusion, I no longer make excuses for you, or smooth things over with illusion.

You have all given me the courage and strength to make a stand, No longer will I be controlled by a man’s abusive hand.

I am not a victim, I am a survivor and I feel free, I live my life how I like now and I am proud of the woman I am, which is the real me.

My name is Hayley, I was a bubbly and outgoing ‘happy go lucky’ girl who had loads of friends. I was single for five years. I met this man at my place of work, it was great for a few months but then he changed. He didn’t like me talking to men and he started telling me what to do. He started hitting me and then I found out that I was pregnant. I thought he would stop the violence but it got worse.

He knocked all my confidence out of me, my friends stopped coming round and I felt isolated. He told me if I left him he would kill me.

Then we moved house and for a couple of months we were ok, then one night after I got home from a night out he ‘started’ on me but he didn’t hit me. He waited until it was the next morning and when I woke up he was on top of me strangling me and hitting me. He told me to say goodbye to my daughter who was in her bedroom at the time. I  managed to escape and I went to the police and told them, I made a statement and he was arrested and sent to prison. I have a lifetime restraining order against him now.

I’m now back to the person I was before I met him and I’m a lot stronger. I will never let a man do that to me ever again.

I’m so happy that I had the Freedom Programme to go to, because if I hadn’t had that I don’t think I would ever have got through it.

Support groups

Please click here to download the information leaflet “Me, My Child & Domestic Abuse”.

Please click here to download the information leaflet “Power to Change”.

Please click here to visit the Counselling Directory webpage.

Freedom Programme

The Freedom Programme is a 12 week programme that is open to any woman who wishes to:
· gain more confidence
· recognise what domestic abuse is
· help find support from other women and agencies
· help to understand the beliefs held by abusive men and which ones they have shared
· look at the effects on children

For more information please call 01952 381920

Family connect

01952 385385
Visit Website

Free, confidential service providing, impartial advice, information, guidance and support on a range of children’s services, including childcare, activities, school admission and finance.

You can also call if you have a concern about a child.

Domestic Homicide Review

The attached document is the Executive Summary from the Domestic Homicide Review (DHR) 2013.

Executive Summary DHR